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Hello everyone! It's been a while since I've been here. My son has developmental delays and ADHD. He…

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Hello everyone! It's been a while since I've been here. My son has developmental delays and ADHD. He's been attending a special needs preschool for two years, where he works with a special educator, a psychologist, and a speech therapist. We went on vacation in June, and during our time off, I started taking him to sessions with a neuro-psychologist. He's making great progress mentally and his speech is also improving, but there's a huge problem – his behavior! My son has the most intense tantrums if he doesn't get what he wants. For example, if he wants new play-doh at 11 PM, he'll scream, cry, fall to the floor, and try to run outside. All my attempts to distract him, talk to him, or calm him down are futile. And this happens for every single thing he wants. All the specialists say not to give in and to stand firm, but my nerves can't handle these tantrums anymore. The preschool complains that he disrupts group activities, and he comes back from walks having these meltdowns. Last time we saw a psychiatrist, they first prescribed Sanopax, which didn't work. They switched him to Risperidone, but there were no changes at all. It's been a little over six months, and I've made another appointment with the psychiatrist. Before that, we'll do an EEG again, and if they allow it, I want to try transcranial direct current stimulation (tDCS). They offered it last time, but we declined. I'm emotionally drained. My husband, instead of helping, just gets annoyed and starts to lose it during these tantrums. I just want to run away into the woods. Moms of children with special needs, what has helped your children? I understand that everything is individual, but I'm curious to know. And how do you cope emotionally? I would be very grateful if you could share your stories.
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Olga
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and at night he could throw a tantrum saying 'I want this,' like your playdough, and only *** could calm him down. I learned what hell is 😂
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October 23, 2026 at 8:30 PM
Yuliya
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While he's 5 years old, you need to redirect his attention, quickly and not to something else. You could say something like, 'I haven't seen your blue car in a while, do you know where it is? Let's look for it!' etc. Mine also had tantrums at a younger age, it was just awful... at this age, their nervous systems are still very fragile.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:30 PM
NeVaDa
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This is the 5th psychiatrist we've seen, but she initially mentioned that sometimes it takes a long time to find the right medication. What works for some doesn't work for others. I also like her approach, so I don't want to switch yet.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:33 PM
Olga
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So that's your psychiatrist; I'm sure they'll find the right treatment. Are you talking to them?
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October 23, 2026 at 8:36 PM
NeVaDa
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Olga The other day I saw an ad for "Tasty and Accurate" and it got me thinking about how he wants fries and nuggets. It was already around 10 PM, even though we don't eat that kind of food, and even when I make fries, I bake them in the oven.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:36 PM
NeVaDa
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Yuliya Unfortunately, that didn't help. I've tried everything short of dancing with a tambourine! I've tried all the methods, including breathing exercises, distracting with toys and objects, and talking about various topics. We've tried so many things.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:39 PM
Olga
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Olga Mine is the same way! If it fits on one thing, that's it, he's done. He used to ask for Infinity every day until he got sick of it. Now he wants an umbrella from Ozone 🤦 I can't handle these moments myself. He could ask for Infinity and scream until morning, it's wild.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:39 PM
NeVaDa
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Most over-the-counter sedatives contain motherwort, and I'm allergic to it. I haven't been able to get to the doctor yet.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:39 PM
NeVaDa
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I drive every day, so cognac is only for smelling 😅
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October 23, 2026 at 8:42 PM
Vera
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What helped us most was calming the nervous system with a device that used point-based physiotherapy.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:42 PM
Kristina
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Micro-polarization doesn't really affect behavior, at least not in my case. Luckily, my son's tantrums faded away by age four, though they were mostly triggered by route changes and medical procedures. He does have attention issues and takes atomoxetine, plus a Turkish risperidone that took some time to work. A friend has an autistic son with behavioral challenges; he's on antidepressants as prescribed by a psychiatrist, naturally.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:45 PM
NeVaDa
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Vera We tried physical therapy, but he wouldn't sit still, he'd start to squirm and leave. We went a few times, and they told us there was no point in continuing because there would be no results.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:45 PM
Hristodor Natalya
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My older child has an emotionally labile disorder. We managed without medication when they were younger. At school, there have been no behavioral complaints, but at home, they have such outbursts. I couldn't handle it anymore, so I took them to a psychiatrist, and we're adjusting treatment. I can't seem to switch them out of it; it lasts for several hours, might calm down, and then starts again. Gadgets often trigger it.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:45 PM
NeVaDa
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Kristina My son was prescribed Risperidone, but it didn't help at all
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October 23, 2026 at 8:48 PM
NeVaDa
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Hristodor Natalya And ours doesn't care where we are, they can start having a tantrum in the garden, outside, or even in the store. I agree about gadgets, but I can't completely eliminate them yet, even though I'm trying to limit the time.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:48 PM
Katerina
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Tantrums have passed. This is neurological; he can't control himself in this moment. Treat it like a cough during a cold—you wouldn't get angry that your child is coughing.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:51 PM
Hristodor Natalya
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Hristodor Natalya I'm a weakling, so I gave my husband my phone and tablets. We've been living in peace for a week, but the weekend is approaching. My son used to scream in the store and outside when he was 5. I thought I was used to it, that I'd accepted it, but he's revealed new depths to his tantrums.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:54 PM
Kristina
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Kristina At first, I also thought there was no point, but after about 2 months, things started to move.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:54 PM
NeVaDa
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Katerina Tantrums are disrupting the learning process at kindergarten and during sessions with the neuropsychologist. Therefore, I think treating this as a cold = neglecting the child's development.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:57 PM
NeVaDa
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Katerina I understand what I can't control, which is exactly why we're seeing a psychiatrist and I'm constantly looking for ways to help him cope with these outbursts.
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October 23, 2026 at 8:57 PM
NeVaDa
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Hristodor Natalya My neighbors keep asking what I'm doing with my baby because he's crying so much, but I just bought him one Kinder egg instead of two, for example.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:00 PM
NeVaDa
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For his age, it's not great, but he can express what he wants.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Katerina
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Katerina There's nothing to be done about it anyway, as long as the nervous system isn't mature enough, it will keep acting out. It's bothersome, yes, but if you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it))) This isn't a parenting issue; it doesn't depend on external factors, only on excitation and inhibition processes that lead to overload.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:00 PM
NeVaDa
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Kristina I gave the full 3-month course.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:00 PM
NeVaDa
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Katerina But what about school? Letting it slide isn't an option either.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:03 PM
Galinka Malinka
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A clear daily routine really helped me. Especially spending a lot of time outdoors, without gadgets, two hours of TV a day, and the rest of the time playing at the playground or with parents.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:06 PM
NeVaDa
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Galinka Malinka Thanks to daycare, we have a routine with a consistent wake-up time, but sometimes it's hard to get him to sleep. He plays at daycare, and after daycare, if the weather permits, we spend at least an hour playing outside. We're still struggling with gadgets, I blame my phone
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October 23, 2026 at 9:06 PM
Evgeniya
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I agree about the gadgets. I freaked out once, gave my husband my tablet and phone, and he hid them so I wouldn't relapse either) At first, I was still hysterical, but over time I calmed down. Then we went to a neuropsychologist, and she became even calmer with her. Of course, she hasn't stopped being hysterical at all, but now we can negotiate, and she calms down quickly. My daughter has developmental delays and ADHD.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:21 PM
Yuliya
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Yuliya This means waiting out the tantrum, tantrums from an overloaded nervous system, try to reduce it.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:24 PM
Katerina
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Katerina Focus on what can realistically be improved and save your energy for things that are beyond your control for now.

This includes speech, memory, attention, logic, and emotional intelligence, ideally with specialists. It's best not to sedate your brain with neuroleptics at this time, as they dull ALL functions, not just outbursts. Look at your own situation; for example, mine on chlorprothixene is like a sleepy zucchini – quiet, peaceful, sleepy, and doesn't bother anyone, but development stagnates. The same goes for nootropics and stimulations like micropolarization. The question is whether to boost the CNS when it's already at its limit and constantly breaking down 🤷 Developing body control is good and safe. Personally, I was disappointed with neuro-psychologists, but if you like working with them, go ahead. Otherwise, regular swimming, general physical training, gymnastics, dancing, and rhythmic activities are very beneficial. You might get kicked out of a class or two, but they'll take you in another. Essentially, you lose nothing by being asked to leave somewhere; we even got refunds every time 🤷 Plus, developing independence at home, daily living skills, and a daily routine is simply convenient, leading to fewer resistances and stresses. All of this also requires a lot of energy and time.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:24 PM
NeVaDa
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Sometimes when he's angry, he pushes my chin with his chin, but I put a stop to it.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:33 PM
Anyuta
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You need to find the right medications. We spent 2 years searching and finally found the perfect treatment. My son is much calmer on it now. He still has occasional tantrums, but at least they're manageable. The aggression is gone. He's finally sleeping well and is more focused. So don't give up. As for micropolarization... a very good doctor once told me under no circumstances to do it. You don't know what you'll put to sleep and what you'll awaken.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:36 PM
NeVaDa
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Evgeniya I'll probably do that, I recently broke my tablet, so that's one less thing to worry about. Now I just need to sort out my phone.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:36 PM
Katerina
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Katerina Wait. Remove him from places where he might accidentally drop something on himself or hit himself hard on something, and just wait. Look at the sky, listen to the birds, think about how one day he will grow up and it will all pass. Talking is useless anyway, well, it was useless with mine until he screamed himself out; when it's clear he's ready to hear it, he's returned to our mortal world – you can distract him, talk to him, help him calm down, but trying to intervene in the moment will only fray your nerves. Learn phrases like "we're doing everything we can," "thank you for the information, we're working on it," and respond to everyone who cares. I told the first teacher about the diagnoses, but she didn't believe in ADHD, and it turned out badly, so I didn't say anything more. Let them think he's spoiled, it's safer.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:39 PM
NeVaDa
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Anyuta There are mixed opinions about these currents; some say they helped, while others strongly advise against starting them. Now I'm starting to doubt whether it's worth it or not.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:39 PM
NeVaDa
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Anyuta We don't have any problems with sleep; she sleeps soundly through the night and also goes down for her daytime nap at daycare without any issues. However, her restlessness and uncontrollable tantrums are a real problem because they affect other areas. She can't focus on activities and gets easily distracted.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:42 PM
Anyuta
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Anyuta It's still the brain, and the processes are irreversible. I didn't risk it. 🤷
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October 23, 2026 at 9:42 PM
NeVaDa
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Katerina At first, the old ladies in the courtyard would say things like, "Oh, he's so ill-behaved," and so on, until I finally told them off in no uncertain terms.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:42 PM
Anyuta
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Anyuta Strength to you! 🙏
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October 23, 2026 at 9:48 PM
NeVaDa
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Anyuta I will definitely talk to my psychiatrist again. And I'll probably look for a safer alternative.
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October 23, 2026 at 9:48 PM
Katerina
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Katerina I was told the same thing. Grandmas, strangers, acquaintances, kindergarten teachers, coaches, school teachers. They asked me to influence him and talk to him. Until my little one got older, I also thought I was missing something or saying things the wrong way. Now I see clearly that's not it. With her, I don't do even 10% of what I did with him, and she behaves acceptably in public. It's like she has it subconsciously programmed that she knows how things SHOULD be done, while he clearly had a self-destruction program instead of an understanding of norms 🤫🤣
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October 23, 2026 at 9:51 PM
NeVaDa
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Anyuta Thank you so much!!! 🫂
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October 23, 2026 at 9:51 PM
NeVaDa
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Katerina How is your child's behavior these days? And have they received any diagnoses?
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October 23, 2026 at 9:54 PM
Katerina
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Katerina He's 13 now. His behavior is better than many his age😎 ADHD is still there, and so is the rap, they're not going anywhere, I think. The hypoxic changes in the occipital and temporal lobes on the MRI will probably be lifelong. We managed to get all the speech diagnoses back to normal; he had delayed speech development and speech impairment, and pseudobulbar dysarthria. By school age, his pronunciation was normal, and the rest was acceptable. Muscle tone issues persisted, but in 5th grade, he started singing professionally and performing a lot. Now he's also in drama club, so his speech is absolutely fantastic now, he could be an announcer)) Only his writing is still lagging, and while his spelling is somewhat manageable, his essays are just awful. Before age 7, he was diagnosed with intellectual disability with attention deficit, and kindergarten was correction for intellectual disability. At 7, we did the Wechsler test, and the intellectual disability was removed, but his emotional-volitional sphere is still lagging by about 3-4 years. His interests are like those of younger children, his friends are all 3-4 years younger, and he doesn't really connect with peers his age. But he doesn't drink, smoke, hang out with girls, wander around at night, or get stuck in internet cafes – he hasn't reached that stage yet😎
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October 23, 2026 at 10:21 PM
Natalya
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Katerina Thank you so much, it's really important for me to hear advice from those who have gone through this. Many people don't understand what I'm talking about. The psychiatrist I consulted sees a child who speaks and reads well and talks about 'upbringing'... but doesn't take into account that my son had birth hypoxia, perinatal encephalopathy, delayed development, and speech impairment in his history. Thanks to specialists, his speech is now normal, and he's even more prepared for school in some ways, but his behavior seems to lag behind, and he has no emotional control.
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October 23, 2026 at 10:45 PM
Katerina
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Katerina That doctor isn't great. ADHD is a diagnosis made by a psychiatrist, and whether someone 'reads and writes' well is irrelevant. 🤷
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October 23, 2026 at 10:48 PM

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