I'm so emotionally burned out that I just keep repeating in my head, 'I'm a good mom, I'm a good mom…

I'm so emotionally burned out that I just keep repeating in my head, 'I'm a good mom, I'm a good mom'... But everything keeps falling apart. Honestly, I don't want anything; I do everything mechanically. When the kids are at school or daycare, I force myself to sleep, and if I can't fall asleep, I just lie there in silence. I've started hating both morning and evening because the children's screaming starts again—mostly triggered by the older one, who might not have all his pieces together right now, which I'm trying to figure out. This lack of clarity has been with him since birth; I just used to blame it on his personality and age... But now I'm forcing myself to stop denying the problem because, globally speaking, it exists. There's a fear that we won't be able to help him, as if some things simply can't be fixed. I don't know how you even "repair" a mind... Today I went to the principal again (told her we're working on it, there's a problem—we're solving it)... And it feels like I only have one child; all my thoughts are about the older one... It makes me feel so terrible... There are some warm moments, but mostly I'm stuck in some kind of black whirlpool... And then there's the sleep deprivation...