Imagine your child joined a new club, like mental math. They came with just one pencil case, nothing…

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Imagine your child joined a new club, like mental math. They came with just one pencil case, nothing extra, and left with the same one. Two days later, you get a message from an unknown number: "Hello, your son attends the same club as my child. Could you please tell me if you happen to have our workbook? My child came home without it on Tuesday, and we can't find it. We've asked at home and with other kids, and no one has it. We can't figure out where it went. He just said the new boy was there, and he didn't have anything to share. So I decided to ask you too) to make sure I've asked everyone." It seems polite, but it leaves a nasty feeling inside. It implies that the shy newcomer "accidentally" stole an A4-sized book. It's not "proper" to rummage under desks with the teacher or check cameras, but accusing the new kid feels wrong. I wouldn't even write to strangers with a 104°F fever and blame them. But what if such things are the norm in children's social circles?
It's not the first time I've seen aggression from 11–12-year-olds toward younger kids. Today, one of…
Comments
yankovskaya yuliya
You asked. Everything is fine. Just answer honestly, if you didn't take anyone's things, that's how you should answer.
I don't see any precedent here at all. Get well soon.
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Elena
You can't understand where he put his things. That subscription can't understand where its things went.
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tanya
Right away lol
In our chat, 3rd graders regularly ask if anyone accidentally took someone else's textbook or notebook. I don't see any insults or violations of human dignity in this 😁 kids will be kids)
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Ievleva kseniya
Hello. My child came and left with one pencil case. They didn't take anything that didn't belong to them. You can check the cameras.
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Ruzanna
A nice, polite message. A bit too detailed for my taste, but some people really appreciate that...
I'd reply just as politely and wish you find what you're looking for soon!)))
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Yana
tanya She asked others before going to interrogate the newcomer. Asking the teacher was apparently not an option.
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Tanya
Normal, adequate message.
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Ievleva kseniya
Ievleva kseniya I protected mine, and I don't care what happens next, let them search.
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Yana
Tanya What's normal about that? If my child loses something, I retrace her steps with her, then I go and look myself. Why point fingers at someone right away?
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Tanya
Tanya Why the immediate defensiveness? You were politely asked if the child accidentally took the notebook. What's offensive about that?
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Tanya
Tanya We checked at home. We asked other people. Now it's your turn.
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Yana
Tanya Well, I see it as 'I've already asked everyone, and there's no one left but you.'
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Tanya
Tanya You're overreacting to a simple situation.
I understand your child isn't in school yet?
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Ievleva kseniya
Tanya What if she already asked the teacher and it's not in the classroom? It means someone took it by mistake. I don't see anything offensive.
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Tanya
Tanya Is the child who lost their notebook not attending classes?
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Yana
Tanya So, another class passed since Tuesday. If they had mistakenly taken the big book (it's not like a needle, right?), they would have brought it back by now.
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Yana
Tanya He walks, but for some reason, his parents only found out on Friday that his notebook was missing on Tuesday, two classes later.
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Tanya
Tanya It varies. With my son, I've been waiting since first grade for him to return a t-shirt (I'm not even waiting anymore). He himself brought me someone else's sneakers, and we never found the owner of those sneakers 🤷
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Shlemina Natalya
Tanya Not all parents check their kids' backpacks. In our class, one boy lost his literature book at the beginning of the year. It was found, but not until March, and his deskmate...
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Katerina
It seems like a regular message. We still get messages like this all the time looking for something 🤣🤣
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Yana
Tanya I would have kept counting crows. So the child isn't doing homework either.
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Shlemina Natalya
Tanya How did homework get stuck here? You're really something else! Kids can be scattered and inattentive, and yes, they sometimes grab the wrong things, especially when it's time to go home and they're rushing to get dressed.
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Mama Nadyusha
You're overreacting.
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Shlemina Natalya
They didn't accuse you at all. They said, 'We don't have anything that belongs to others,' and forgot about it. But you've blown this into a whole melodrama.
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Shlemina Natalya
Tanya Maybe there weren't any lessons like that, or maybe it's a different book. Please calm down now.
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Alena
You didn't write anything about it, the child shared with yours, and that's where the question came from. What's interesting here is why the club leader didn't explain that something needed to be brought, and you didn't clarify if just a pencil case was enough.
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Ekaterina Salina
No one is accusing anyone. We regularly get messages like this, where someone ends up with two textbooks or two atlases. It doesn't mean the child stole them, it's just due to carelessness.
There's nothing terrible in what Amina wrote, just reply just as politely and calmly, 'No, my child left with one pencil case and came back with one pencil case.'
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Yana
Tanya This is an extracurricular club, yes. There are no other tasks, only this one.
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Yana
Ekaterina Salina She knows that newcomers arrive without anything.
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Yana
Alena Her own child told her that. But in reality, he didn't share and didn't give her the textbook. So there wasn't even a precedent.
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Yana
Tanya Would you like to start a new circle with some digs?
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Shlemina Natalya
Tanya What accusations? I don't see any accusations here, it's a normal practice among children in a group. Thank God I'm reasonable and know what my kids are like, so I would have reacted normally.
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Yana
Alena Personally, I find out about these things from the teacher. And it wouldn't occur to me to bother any parents with my own problems. As for the notebook, no, because the ordered textbooks take a long time to arrive, that's all.
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Yana
Alena The teacher has 5 children. She has a great eye for who's taking what.
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Alena
Alena Things happen, teachers don't pack anyone's backpack for them. We went to preschool classes with 8 regular kids, and they still managed to swap things around.
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