For 30 years, I was considered a "concrete wall," and some still do. Yes, this is also about ADHD –…

For 30 years, I was considered a "concrete wall," and some still do. Yes, this is also about ADHD – I'll explain how it happened. I can see where a person "hurts," which button to press to make them feel it. I can do it with surgical precision, gently or harshly, depending on what's needed right now. And all the while, for years, my whole life, I hid my emotionality. Up until today 😆 And then one day, I just couldn't take it anymore. I had a mini-stroke, an anxiety disorder, and I told my friend, whom I've known since kindergarten. You can't imagine her shock! She had no idea I was a sensitive, vulnerable soul. That I experience every little thing on the deepest level, as if someone close had died. She was shocked: 30 years of friendship – and she didn't know I was that kind of person. Another friend once said, "You? Upset? I'll never believe it, you're just a concrete ten-meter wall!!!" And she nervously giggled: "Noooo, I don't believe it, not at all, I don't believe it!". This was the introduction, and now let's see what science says. First, the ability to "see through people" is cognitive empathy. What is it? It's the ability to understand what another person feels and thinks, to predict their reaction. With ADHD, studies show mixed results: some indicators are lower, some normal, some even higher. But there's an important nuance: people with high ADHD traits can be very sensitive to social feedback and react more strongly physiologically to social cues. Simply put, our brain is like a radio receiver, we tune into a person's frequency completely. And the ability to "push on sore spots" is the flip side: I know exactly where it hurts because I see it, so why not use it to my advantage. Here's an example. When I was preparing for a serious conversation with my husband, I knew all his answers and questions in advance. I knew what the emotional tone of our conversation would be, and of course, the outcome as well. Without exaggeration, I played the dialogue word-for-word in my head beforehand, and then it played out 1/1 in reality. Why did we stop talking to each other? It's boring for me because it's too predictable. So now I have conversations with myself, playing both roles – me and my husband. And I give the real husband the ready-made solution. And he usually agrees with me, because in a real dialogue (not in my head) he would have answered the same way🤣 Second. The "concrete wall" is a mask. And it forms in children very early. Studies show that children with ADHD start consciously hiding the symptoms of ADHD as early as primary school, often by age 8-10. And by age 9-12, many achieve frightening mastery in this. Like me, for example. Imagine a chameleon. It doesn't just "pretend" to be someone else; it changes color to blend in with its environment and survive. So it is with people with ADHD: we don't play a role intentionally; we adjust our "coloring" to what is safe at the moment. Some need to be accommodating, some invisible, some cold and unyielding, like me. And by age 9-12, this "color change" becomes automatic. Not because we "decided to learn," but because the environment forced us: by this age, we've already received enough feedback, experience, like "sit still," "don't interrupt," "why are you like that?" to understand that showing our uncomfortable "self" is dangerous for our psyche. We learn not to show when it hurts. To "put on" a convenient face. To suppress the impulse to interrupt or run away. We try so hard to look normal that even our parents don't see what's going on inside. That's why adults with ADHD often hear: "But you're normal, you don't have ADHD." Because the masking works 1000%. The chameleon has blended into the environment – and it's invisible. But there's a nuance: not everyone, and not always. The ability to mask depends on the ADHD subtype, the environment (in a supportive environment, a child doesn't need to hide so much), gender (girls often mask earlier and better), and individual characteristics. And most importantly – the price of this speed, the fact that a 9-12 year old child learned to hide their feelings so quickly – is not a cause for pride. Studies show that early and intense masking is associated with an increased risk of anxiety, depression, and burnout in adulthood. A child who became a "concrete wall" at 10 might find themselves disconnected from themselves by 30. And then, a week before their 30th birthday, have a mini-stroke. And one more thing, I want to add about work. Over all the years of my life, I've changed many jobs. And I was always, absolutely always hired. Even if initially, a potential employer tried to gently reject me – in the end, I still ended up in that organization. Why is that? Several mechanisms are at play here. First, that very social tuning, like a radio receiver antenna: during the interview, I sense what the employer wants to hear, and I say it. Not falsely – I simply literally read the mood, the non-verbals, and scan the person completely in fractions of a second and instantly adapt. Second, the mask, which works automatically by adulthood: I appear calm, super confident, "normal." Third, ADHD often comes with energy and charisma, which are perceived as "lively, interesting person" – and that's valued in hiring. And fourth, hyperfocus on interest: if a topic is close to me, I can talk about it so eloquently, show my knowledge so strongly, that it convinces, and sometimes even scares. But there's a downside to this coin. The employer sees the mask and energy, and then discovers that I have my own rhythm, that I need space, that I can't work under control, constant demands, and pressure. And then what we've already discussed begins: external demands – sabotage, a "corrupted program" in the brain's work. That's why there are many jobs. Not because I'm a "bad employee." But because the environment rarely suits my neuro-rhythm, and I run away from there as fast as I can, or legally go on maternity leave. Let's summarize. My "concrete wall" is not coldness; I'm not the unfeeling creature others, and even my mom, see me as. It's armor I built to survive emotionally. My ability to read people is not manipulation for profit, but hyper-tuning that has worked for years to protect my fragile soul. And there's only one person in the world with whom I'm myself from the very beginning, because I felt a kindred spirit, safety! To everyone else, I'm still a mercenary, cold-blooded, ruthless creature.