So, I've hit that point again where I just let myself go. I asked myself, why have I spent my whole…

So, I've hit that point again where I just let myself go. I asked myself, why have I spent my whole life trying to please others and fix my body to meet beauty standards? And now, I just don't care what people think. But at the same time, I still haven't accepted myself. Right now, I'm up 11 lbs. This is just 🥴🥴🥴🥴 for me. Okay, fine... If my average weight in life is 140 lbs, then now it's +17.6 lbs... Also not great 😊. I've read a lot that this is cortisol weight gain. So what now... Too many diagnoses in my boring life lately. From yesterday's list, a walk for myself. I finally got out with the kids to walk around, because we've been stuck in our neighborhood, and it's deadly boring. I didn't drink water, I ate without thinking, and went to bed at midnight. The only exercise was walking. Honestly, I don't know what's happening to me. Usually, taking myself in hand worked. But now, even that doesn't work. It's annoying when you constantly tell yourself, "Okay, pull yourself together! Today's the day... Let's go, go, go!" and then again... "My whole life is dust."